Dear, Lebron, Dwayne, Chris, Mike, Mario, Zydrunas (Z!!!), Joel, and company.
Hi How is it going? Looks pretty good from my view.
First I would like to thank you for winning the first two games of this series. It has saved me so much stress in my life I don’t even know how to thank you. If you need a hotel sitter when you come to Boston to make sure none of those bandwagon evil green team bandwagon fans egg your hotel I am there for you. Free of charge. I won’t even run up your tab in the mini bar.
Last year I was pretty bitchy during the whole evil green teams run to the finals that I took it out on my loved ones. I wasn’t very nice and it wasn’t something I was conscious of at the time. I realized after Kobe kicked the evil green teams ass what I had done and I apologized.
Anyway I am writing you this letter to ask a huge favor of you. I need you to sweep the Celtics out of the playoffs. I believe that you can do it if you put your mind to it.
You see 8 years ago the evil green team when they weren’t evil got swept by the NJ Nets and the Boston media, the idiot Celtics owners and the newly hired general manager of luck were pretty obnoxious to everyone on that team not named Paul Pierce. They all said some things that I still remember 8 YEARS LATER that I so want to throw back in their faces. You can help me do that by just winning the next two games in Boston.
I will do anything to be able to write this blog I have planned. I can only do this if you sweep the evil green team. A list of things I am willing to do are as followed.
: I will clean your houses for free. The entire teams. I however reserve the right to skip the bathrooms. I’ll do windows.
: I will babysit your kids. All of them any time you come to play in Boston for the entire time of your career in the NBA. This offer expires if you decide to sign with another team. However if you are traded I will still do this any time you come to Boston. I don’t change diapers but will sublet that part of the job to Paul Pierce. He is so full of shit he will fit right in.
: I will cook you dinner. Okay I will buy you dinner. My repoitre consists of toast, Ramen noodles, apple sauce from a jar and ellios pizza. If those interest you I can cook. I do have to cap a total of 20.00$ on your bill because my paycheck is a pathetic joke.
So if you have any suggestions please add them in. I will be more then willing to do more for you but you must sweep them. You must win all 4 games in a row. 2 more to go:)
UPPING THE ANTI
Miami you are down by 7 after the 1st so I am upping the anti. I will babysit your kids even if you decide to leave Miami and play somewhere else. All you have to do is sweep. JUST WAKE UP AND SWEEP THE EVIL CELTICS!
Now you are down by 11. I will up the anti one more time. This is a big one. I will clean the toilets. I really DO NOT want to clean the toilets but if you can just sweep it will be worth it. I can’t beg you anymore Miami. They need to be swept.